celebrity bitch quotes bitchy remarks quotations book

The Art of Bitching
aka 'Verbal Bitch Slaps
of the Rich & Famous'

Celebrity insults and bitchy quotes by women about famous women - including an A to Z celebrity bitchfest: Jennifer Aniston, Victoria Beckham, Cheryl Cole, Princess Diana, Britt Ekland, Megan Fox, Germaine Greer, Liz Hurley, Molly Ivins, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Lady Gaga, Kylie Minogue, Thandie Newton, Michelle Obama, Katy Perry, Marilyn Quayle, JK Rowling, Britney Spears, Abi Titmuss, Charley Uchea, Carol Vorderman, Amy Winehouse, Kirsty Young and Catherine Zeta-Jones.



direct from the UK publisher


"It's not a case of women being more bitchy than men,
but bitchiness is expected of them."

Georgina Henry

"To be a bitch or not to be a bitch, that is the question." Shannen Doherty

The historically and hysterically
caustic catalogue of

Foul-Mouthed Females,

Diva Dissing and

Girl-on-Girl Guttersniping.

“The slight that can be conveyed in a glance, in a gracious smile, in a wave of the hand, is often the ‘ne plus ultra’ of art. What insult is so keen or so keenly felt, as the polite insult which it is impossible to resent?”
Julia Kavanagh

"Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to."
Vera Donovan [Judy Parfitt] in Dolores Claiborne (1995)

CELEBRITY 'BITCH' QUOTES celebrates both ends of the bitching spectrum … and all points in between: from the cultured cattiness of 1930s doyennes Dorothy Parker and Lillian Hellman, through post-war Hollywood harridans like Tallulah Bankhead and Bette Davis, and 1970s liberated lambastadors of lip like Rona Barrett and Joan Rivers, to contemporary celebrity caterwaulers like Julie Burchill and Charlotte Church.

Not all catty remarks are limited to the 20th century …
CELEBRITY 'BITCH' QUOTES also includes devilish diamonds in the roughhouse from way back in history, including many interesting and surprising names, not least Jane Austen and Queen Victoria.

“Why is it that The Oxford Dictionary Of Quotations bulges with quotations by men … when women (as men are the first to point out) do all the talking?”
Peg Bracken

As diverse and eclectic as the mouths and minds that maul and malign, the targets are equally famous and equally frowned upon.
CELEBRITY 'BITCH' QUOTES lays out its main body of tormented targets in Alpha-Female order … from Paula Abdul, Christina Aguilera & Lily Allen to Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Carly Zucker.

"LILY ALLEN has got something of the street about her, she has a bit of a dinner lady face."
Emma Jones (2006)

"I don't think RENEE ZELLWEGER has eaten since Chicago. She is like the lost Olsen triplet."
Kathy Griffin in People magazine (2005)


“JESSICA ALBA ... every bit as gorgeous as the scenery - but not quite so profound.’’
CONNIE OGLE in The Miami Herald

“SOFIA COPPOLA is the Veruca Salt of American film-makers.’’

DANA STEVENS on Slate.com

“MEGAN FOX clearly did all her research for the role in a tanning booth. Her main function in Transformers is simply to be a vehicle for a large pair of breasts.’’
WENDY IDE in The Times

“If MELANIE GRIFFITH’s face gets any more taut, she’ll look like David Gest.’’
ANNA SMITH in The Sunday Mirror

“KATE MOSS is a council estate girl who looks like a council estate girl.’’

“GWYNETH PALTROW is quite pretty, in a British horsey sort of way.’’

“NICOLE RICHIE, who, as far as I can tell, is famous for being unable to tip the scales above 75 pounds.’’
LIZ JONES in The Daily Mail

[Maximum Maxims to Bitch By]

Behind every Bitch is the man who made her that way.

Date like a man so you don't get played like a Bitch.

Don't get mad, get Bitch.

Flirts are the sisters of Bitches.

Got the itch to Bitch.

I am not a bitch … I am The Bitch!

I am not a Bitch. I just don't like you!

I may be a cruel and heartless Bitch but at least I'm good at it.

If payback is a Bitch and revenge is sweet then I'm the sweetest Bitch you will ever meet.

If you want to get ahead, get a Bitch.

Life's a Bitch and then you marry one.

Once a Bitch always a Bitch, so there's no use trying to change me.

You're never alone with a Bitch!

You say 'I'm a Bitch' like it's a bad thing.

If you have any BITCH slogans or Bitchy insults to add to our list, please share them with us in the Comments box.


“The point of quotations is that one can use another’s words to be insulting.”
Amanda Cross

From time immemorial, ever since Eve told Abel’s grieving widow that she looked fat at the funeral, women have taken great pains and great delight in telling other women how it is. Some elevate bitchery to an erudite art-form; others descend into the gutter to sling muck at their target.

"My one to watch - on Strictly Come Dancing - is STEPHANIE BEACHAM. I hope her partner is patient. I wouldn’t say she’s grand but she makes Princess Margaret look like Pat Butcher."
Kaye Adams in The Daily Record (2007)

"HILLARY CLINTON faces a future that appears to hold nothing more exciting than more ill-fitting pants suits and a husband who looks increasingly like W.C Fields."
Jan Moir in The Daily Telegraph (2008)

This volume of 2000 celebrity insults - exclusively by women about women - is a light-hearted, yet hard-nosed, head-long dive into the world of the Celebrity Bitch.

"To celebrate the big Christmas blockbuster VICTORIA BECKHAM is throwing a Narnia party. All she needs now is a lion and a wardrobe."
Carole Malone in The Sunday Mirror (2005)

"MADONNA, ever the mistress of reinvention, has revealed her latest Marlene Dietrich image, which is cool. But not when it’s how the legendary screen goddess looked shortly before she died."
Sue Carroll in The Daily Mirror (2007)
CELEBRITY 'BITCH' QUOTES covers centuries of bitchcraft about historical female figureheads through to twenty-first century icons. This dazzling diversity of victim is matched by the ‘artillery’ range of females actually doing the ‘bitching’ … from battle-hardened, battle axes of the tabloid press to normally soft-hearted, soft-spoken saintly celebrities themselves.

"They should give JOYCE HABER open-heart surgery - and go in through the feet."
Julie Andrews

As well as individual celebrity females coming under attack from their own gender, this book also covers celebrity pairings and groups. A further feature reveals an introspective insight into how celebrities ‘bitch’ about themselves. The penultimate chapter casts a bitch’s eye view over chick flicks. The final section sees celebrity females dish the domestic dirt on their (former) male partners.

Complementing the solo entries are a series of sub-sections that enhance the enjoyment, diversify the dirt and hysterically heighten the whole-hearted hatred.


Chapter Headings

with Sample Quotes

"I loved Kirstie Allsopp on Location, Location, Location. I admired her gale-force cheeriness … But now we have her new series, Kirstie’s Homemade Home, and suddenly I want to use her to stuff a Chesterfield sofa."
Allison Pearson in The Daily Mail (2009)

"Renée Zellweger, who having already bagged one Brit-lit heroine, has moved onto Beatrix Potter, whom she plays with a mix of scrubbed-cheek whimsy, icky vulnerability and fathomless self-congratulation."
Catherine Shoard in The Sunday Telegraph (2007)

Double Acts, Couples, Pairs & Twosomes
"As for Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue [on the X- Factor], I’m all for supporting adults with learning difficulties, but those girls have one brain cell and one facial expression between them."
Amanda Platell in The Daily Mail (2009)

All Girl Groups
"Like their (deliberately) robotic dance moves, there isn’t a lot of Girls Aloud that comes across as human or red-blooded. In this respect, Girls Aloud are the aural equivalent of the perfect murder, leaving behind no trace that ever they were there."
Sophie Harris in Time Out magazine (2007)

Introspective Inner Bitch 
"A naked Susannah is like a fat white maggot - all folds and undulating movement."
Susannah Constantine (2004)

Self-Proclaimed Bitches
"I found my inner Bitch and ran with her."
Courtney Love

The Art & Culture of Being a Bitch
"Bitching thrills because it flouts manners and speaks the truth … A good bitch with someone you trust can be cathartic when life as a woman gets you down. It is better for your health than Prozac and cheaper than therapy."
Kate Figes in The Guardian (2007)

Fictional Film & TV Bitches
Roseanne Connor [Roseanne Barr]: "Oh, see Dan!? All these years, everybody thought I was a bitch, but what I had was an ‘opinionated, blue-collar outlook.’ "
on Roseanne: Morning Becomes Obnoxious (1996)

Acronymically or Acrimoniously Speaking?
Brilliant Insults Terrorise Chick Hordes

The Slap Heard Around the World
"Bitch Slap is a slang expression which basically means, that if you are hit by a woman it won't hurt as much as a man's punch. You can see a bitch slap coming, they say. Wrong. Oh does it hurt."
Moira Sullivan in Movie Magazine International (2010)

EXEs & OHs!
Former Husbands, Boyfriends & Lovers
Piers Morgan: "I forgot to ask - what was Sven [Goran Eriksson] like in bed? A tornado?"
Ulrika Jonsson: "More of a rowing boat. With one oar. Going round and round and round."
from Piers Morgan’s The Insider (2005)